Reality Show Living

Welcome to Reality Show Living where the most important thing is being the center of attention and, above all else, winning. Winning at all cost. Winning at the expense of everyone and everything else of true value. Where integrity is sacrificed for “likes” and “shares”. Where zingers and smart comebacks are applauded. Where the content of one’s character matters less than a few minutes of fleeting fame and recognition. Where everyone thinks they are the smartest most important person in the room.

When we live this way it damages and cheapens the things that matter most – the close relationships that are meant to sustain us. Because those in our immediate circle, who love us the most, are keenly aware how quickly the tide can turn. How someday in someway they will be expendable like everything and everyone else that doesn’t temporarily enable and inflate our egocentric life.

There is another way to live. A more genuine life affirming path where love and personal integrity is valued more than accolades. Where kindness without the thought of return feeds the soul. Where the support and consideration of others is the currency of all our transactions.

We choose between these two seeming parallel ways of living each and everyday. One way leaves us isolated and empty and the other gives us personal and spiritual fulfillment. One is destructive and the other healing. One engenders suspicion, ill feelings, and hatred. The other trust, love, and respect. It all depends on which life you want to lead.

Choose wisely.

Civilty

I’m a big fan of civility. Its worked for me more than once in confrontational situations.

As with any attempts at conflict resolution making a human connection changes everything. Even in non-confrontational situations establishing human connections makes the difference.

Right now is a “forest for the trees” moment. Everything seems in shambles. Nothing makes sense. The go to reaction is anger and lashing out. Some say, “Enough! Fight fire with fire”, but when we do that all we end up with is ashes.

We are so caught up in the insanity right now that we have allowed it to make us insane as well. There is no perspective. No reasoning. No stepping back before reacting. We don’t even see those we disagree with as human beings with concerns and worries and loved ones and dreams of their own.

Years ago I worked with this woman who always seemed irritated. There was no good side. Only anger. I found myself walking on egg shells around her. I figured there were issues going on in her personal life that caused her to be that way, but that didn’t make our interactions any easier. Then one day I went to her desk to help her with a computer issue and my eyes fell on a picture above her desk of two fuzzy little dogs. I saw my opening.

“Oh, I love dogs!” I said, “What are their names?”

She lit up and a huge smile came across her otherwise grumpy face. From that point on we were connected. Something that simple. A picture of her dogs made the difference.

Now, I realize in today’s climate (especially on social media) making those sorts of connections are nearly impossible, but that doesn’t mean we should stop trying. Just because I disagree with someone, even in politics, doesn’t mean I want horrible things happen to them. I don’t wish horrible things on anyone. If I did what sort of person would I be?! I couldn’t live with myself.

Look, we’re only responsible for our own actions. When things get heated maybe the best thing to do is take a step back. Maybe take a virtual tour of that person’s Facebook profile and thumb through their pictures. Maybe see that they have people in their life just like you do. Husbands, wifes, mothers, fathers, sons, daughters, grandchildren, cute little furry faced creatures, and best friends. They go grocery shopping and get haircuts and pay bills just like you.

So with all this talk about “When they go low, we go [whatever]”, ask yourself this . . . what sort of person do you want be? Do you want to be someone who hates or someone who has the capacity to understand? That person pushing you from the other side of the arguement is actually just like you, they just have differing beliefs and opinions.

What makes us strong isn’t that everyone agrees with us. What makes us strong is that we care about each other. That we have more in common than things we don’t. That I’m afraid of the same things you are. That I struggle with making ends meet just like everyone else.

And when it’s all said and done and the yelling stops and the dust has cleared I firmly believe that kindness and understanding begets kindness and understanding begets kindness and understanding . . . no matter who you are.

Aftermath

It was an absolutely beautiful day today in Horry County, SC. Quite the contrast to what is actually happening here. Rivers are rising in the Eastern Carolinas after the heavy rains of Hurricane Florence. Homes and businesses are flooding, roads are awash, creatures are seeking higher ground, folks are struggling to save what they can as the tannin colored blackwater overflows it’s banks.

The Waccamaw, Pee Dee, Lumber, Cape Fear, and many other rivers are carrying the remains of Florence down to the Intracoastal Waterway and Low Country estuaries. The soil is saturated, houses and farms stand like outposts, fields have turned onto lakes, roads and highways into boat canals, and the water is still rising. It’s a long slow-rolling process that will take weeks upon weeks to complete.

I’ve seen water reshape landscape many times. Even a little trickle makes it’s mark. But waters such as these can easily move mountains of vegetation and soil and eat up roadways and homes and anything else in it’s path. There’s not much a person can do except wait. Wait and hope it settles down enough so you can eventually see what’s left. So you can pick up the pieces and rebuild if you can afford to or have the energy to do so.

Those of us who managed to avoid the flood waters, who still have our homes and possessions, know how fortunate we are. Truth is most of us have always been more fortunate. Historically low lying non-arable land was sold to poorer folks here in the Carolinas. No one else wanted it. Their families have continued to live on those lands for generations. But those lands are more susceptible to devastating floods and the people living on them have fewer resources to deal with such events. I’m not sure how you rectify that. I’m pretty certain State and Federal government have no idea (or inclination) to do so.

We all have to live some place, and some places are better than others, but clearly we all don’t have the same options. As a society, as neighbors, as decent caring human beings, we now have an opportunity to help each other. Local churches are busy right now, organizations are gathering supplies and food, average everyday people are rolling up their sleeves to physically lend a hand, and those who can are making financial donations to help keep things going. It’s amazing to see.

There’s more good in this world than bad, a lot more, and in times like this we really need it.

Kindness

So you think the time of kindness has passed? The world has become a harsh place full of selfishness, anger, and venom? That all we have left is the faintest memory of gentler times?

Not true!

When we feel the absence of kindness we should realize we are not so far from it. Kindness, like air itself, will fill whatever vacuum exists. It will always seek to encourage us. To present opportunities where we can open ourselves and reach out to others.

Kindness never runs out. It has no beginning or end. Kindness will endure. It’s who we are at our very core. It’s what makes us fully human. It will continue long after our bones have turned to dust, because it resides in each and every generation until the end of time.

Now go, while you still have life, and give yourself to kindness.

Love, Kindness, and Generosity

There are 3 things that are so intrinsically true and good no one ever argues about them. The first is love, the second is kindness, and the third is generosity.

I wish the world was filled with love. So many evils can be conquered by turning away from hate and opening to love. Love is magical. It changes everything it comes in contact with into what it was meant to be. Love makes whole. It embodies acceptance and understanding. It makes the heart tender and receptive. Nothing that exists could exist without love. Love is at the epicenter of the Universe.

Kindness does not operate on its own. Like electricity that requires positive and negative polls to conduct power, kindness requires both giving and receiving for its power to be released. Every person on the earth has within them the ability to be kind. It’s there from birth. When we are kind we strengthen the Light that exists in the Universe. The Light that brings encouragement to all.

Generosity gives even when she knows she has nothing left. Though her pockets are empty her heart is full. Generosity finds ways to bring what is needed to those in despair. To meet needs as they exists. To give her all. To say there is no shortage as long as I have breath. That while I live no one shall hunger for companionship. Generosity is ever and always giving all she has and more besides.

Yes, we can argue about a lot of different things. We can debate the value of this or that. But the things that make life worth living, the things that make us fully human, the things that make this world a livable place, those things – love, kindness, and generosity – are gifts we can bring to bear without fear of rebuttle. Because they are gifts of the heart that are timeless and true. They are deep within us and have been from the beginning of time.

Human Situations

Sometimes we don’t say anything because we really don’t know what to say. We’re embarrassed or unsure. How could anything we have to say or do make a difference?

Just remember this . . . in human situations all you have to be is human.

So look someone in the eye and squeeze their hand, or give a hug, or push back disheveled hair to wipe a tear, or just say you care; because whatever you offer matters more than anything you could possibly imagine.

And although it may seem small it makes a world of difference for that person in that moment and in that moment you make the world is a better place.

Knowing

There are things you learn and there are things you know. Innate things. Things that existed before the first human heart beat. Things that are at the core of the Universe. Things not effected by events, circumstance, position, or value. Things that cannot be possessed, or bought, or sold. Things that emanate from the deepest part of our souls. That reside in our eternal DNA.

Evil would have no meaning without Good. Lies wouldn’t exist without Truth. Hate would have no power without Love. These things aren’t equal opposites. They can’t exist on their own. They are mere shadows. They only exist in juxtaposition to things that truly are.

Our challenge is to live in Truth and Light and not succumb to false reflections that beg validation. Things that are meaner and weaker by comparison. Things that only create emptiness and regret where fullness and happiness should be.

This is why every child knows right is better wrong. Why then, as adults, do we ever choose differently? Instead let’s bring light to dark places. Let’s live in goodness, truth, and love. Be kind to all you encounter. In doing these you share in things eternal.

Think About Your Troubles

We all like to think we’re essential. That we carry enough personal gravity to affect the tilt of the earth even if it’s just ever so slightly. That all this effort means something after all. That we’re not just consuming air and food and water for no reason.

Harry Nilsson wrote a song called, “Think About Your Troubles” that is part of his larger animated musical called “The Point”. It’s really a masterpiece in my view. I won’t bore you with my commentary, but this one particular tune has always stuck with me for some crazy reason. You’ll find the full version here – https://g.co/kgs/ovyRmL.

“Think About Your Troubles” is about the humble concerns of our lives and how small they are in the grand scheme of things. It’s about how our salty tears are just drops in the ocean. Harry tries to put things in perspective. But perspective can sometimes just be someone else’s point of view.

Lucky you! Your biology just happened to turn into a person instead of a fish in the vast ocean of possibilities. Not that fish don’t have a roll to play, but they aren’t people. They can’t hold a pen and compose a love letter. They can’t gently hold an ill person’s hand and comfort them. They can’t listen to a symphony and be moved to tears. They can’t laugh at a child’s antics or stare dreamily into a beautiful sunset. No, fish can’t do that. Only we can.

Take advantage of that miracle! Make the most of the extraordinary gift you have. Use all your faculties and capabilities to make the world a better place. Sure, we all have our troubles. Our tears may feel like tiny drops in a huge ocean, but don’t be fooled. We may not seem like a big deal in the grand scheme of things, but insofar as we can offer kindness and caring and solace and love we just might be the most wholly significant creatures on earth.

Except for dogs, of course.

Sometimes

Sometimes what you don’t notice is more important than what you do. Sometimes little things mean a whole lot more than big ones. Sometimes a casual conversation with a stranger isn’t so strange after all. And sometimes a small act of kindness can mean the world to the person who needs it most.

Change the World

Let’s see what good we can do today. It doesn’t have to be big. Just something in your corner of the planet. A simple kindness. A gentle word. Who knows, if we all do it we just might change the world!